This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
