I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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