What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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