Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
