The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
