My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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