It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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