you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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