We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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