So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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