he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
