I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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