i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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