he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
