We should be called the Road Head Warriors
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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