Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
