the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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