there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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