i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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