Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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