The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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