he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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