And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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