You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize