I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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