im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
