i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
