So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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