Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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