Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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