found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
