You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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