i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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