I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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