i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
