The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
