i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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