My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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