im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old