Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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  (847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0
  Replies (46) Good night (1803) Bad night (5692)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?

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  (778): Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter? http://tfl.nu/1qb1
  Replies (19) Good night (4433) Bad night (672)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

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  (954): So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had. http://tfl.nu/ag2c
  Replies (98) Good night (2098) Bad night (22805)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (2074) Bad night (3893)
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  (831): View more from California

  i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

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  (831): i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock? http://tfl.nu/twxe
  Replies (5) Good night (4927) Bad night (1016)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.

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  (410): I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will. http://tfl.nu/52i2
  Replies (11) Good night (3635) Bad night (1069)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.

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  (716): You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy. http://tfl.nu/mzkt
  Replies (9) Good night (3089) Bad night (981)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

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  (410): I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7vv
  Replies (13) Good night (2785) Bad night (701)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico

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  (313): hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico http://tfl.nu/p58l
  Replies (28) Good night (3485) Bad night (939)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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  (281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc
  Replies (8) Good night (3169) Bad night (933)
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  (661): View more from California

  First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.

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  (661): First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl. http://tfl.nu/e3wo
  Replies (11) Good night (717) Bad night (1327)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.

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  (360): It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls. http://tfl.nu/eao3
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (688)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT

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  (931): ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT http://tfl.nu/g173
  Replies (21) Good night (516) Bad night (304)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.

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  (973): i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls. http://tfl.nu/jxeo
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (211)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY

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  (406): if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY http://tfl.nu/qo5y
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (142)

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