the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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