Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.