The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
