is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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