I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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