I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
