You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
