Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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