Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
