Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
