She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
