the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
