evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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