Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just high enough for therapy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
