just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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