I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
