What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
