Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my shit smells like andre
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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