he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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