Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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