She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
