I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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