drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
