I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
