How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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